From lovers to friends


In many relationships that don't end in marriage (well actually even then), there usually is a time when you have to say "hasta la vista baby." the two of you have shared memories together that when you look back upon, you will either laugh or cry. but whatever that memory might be, once a relationship ends, it's time to say "thanks" or "no thanks" for everything and move on.

but somewhere along the line, there's always the "let's remain friends" compromise to many breakups. it's the much gentler way of saying, "hey, you're not that bad. it's not you. it's me. but look, i still want to be friends with you." *smile* the question that my friends and i discuss a lot is:

can you be good friends with your ex?

ok. let's face it. whenever there's a breakup, it's usually never mutual. usually one person is the one that causes or initiates the breakup and is labeled "heart breaker", while the other person is left hurting and dwelling on the breakup for weeks on end. ok. i admit. even the heart breaker could hurt too, but usually the one who initiated the breakup moves on faster than the one who didn't.

after having meditated and burned incense on this question, my friends and i have come to the conclusion that NO, it's very rare for many people to become truly good friends with their ex's.

take me for example. although my ex and i agreed that we would be good friends, we're really not. sure, i get a greeting on my birthday and during the holidays and i just greeted him on his birthday, but those are about the only times we communicate. and i actually prefer it this way. i'm sure he and his wife now does too.

however, i have a friend whose boyfriend and his ex have become best friends instead. whoa! yes. it's true. it can be done. but, when your ex is your best friend and you tell your best friend things about your current relationship, hmm, you could land yourself in a heap of mess.

so why can't ex's remain friends?

here's some reasons I've read on why the can't:

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there's always a heartbreaker and the heartbreakee. same as mentioned above.
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you know what they look like underneath all those clothes. you've seen each other naked. whenever you smell their special perfume or cologne, or whenever you hear music that was special to the both of you, you're always going to remember that person and the things you used to do together ( ie, make love, make-out, etc)
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you can't divulge intimate details about your current relationship to your ex. it would just be wrong for you to tell your ex you just had the greatest sex of your life with someone else.
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bitterness comes into play. an ex can pretend to be a friend, but deep down they'd rather see you and your current partner dead (jk).
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jealousy. seriously - who really likes seeing their ex being lovey dovey with someone else anyway?

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